I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
