Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
