He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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