I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
