Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it's like iHOP with fire
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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