When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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