...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
