never play flip cup with pint glasses
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
