Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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