My first STD was from a foam party
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
