Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
