Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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