We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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