If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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