I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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