You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
