I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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