my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
