My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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