I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
