Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
