hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
