Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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