hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
This toilet bowl is my home.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
