i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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