life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
