grandma shit on top of the toilet
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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