I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
