My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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