I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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