So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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