Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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