Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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