could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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