not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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