I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
