Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
