I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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