i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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