If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
