Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
