Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
