I'm going to jail i love you
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i think i have two assholes
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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