I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
