you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
