Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
