She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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