That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
