Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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