I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
