So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
