It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i came on her dog
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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