He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
